Tag: Self Development


who is to blame 2009-1-1 (68 words)

Did 2008 treat you poorly? Was it a harsh msitress this last year? Or are only we to blame for out own reality? Well, I tell you this: The mere idea of "who is to blame" is were we all go wrong in the first place. Reality just is. We just are. Guilt plays no part but in out heads. Stop cursing gravity, you couldn't fly without it.

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All leadership sucks including mine 2007-9-10 (462 words)

John W. McKenna is challenging bloggers to write up their thoughts on wh - or if - most leadership sucks. I've written a bit about leadership in "Leading from the inside out". That post was more about a specific leadership style, and not so much a qualitative reflections on it. For this post I'll rephrase the statement in the title into a question: "What makes leadership suck?"

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the "block" thing 2005-9-25 (144 words)

The "reluctant volunteer" effect has a lot of similarities with the proverbial "writers block".

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What the Vorlons and the Shadows both missed 2005-9-29 (159 words)

You do remember the Vorlons and the Shadows? From Babylon 5? Hint?

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sleep cycles 2006-2-3 (97 words)

With all the recent interest in polyphasic sleep, polynapping etc. I found this article about sleep phases very interesting. It talks - amongst other things - about how it is possible for a human to suffer from either a longer or shorter inner-phase than 24 hours. Having an inner clock set to something considerably different from the normal day-cycle (23- or 25+ hours) can result in a not easily resettable inner clock. That would mean your optimzm period of sleep drifts in one direction. The description for "Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome" (DSPS) sounds very familliar to me...

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could you? 2006-1-23 (138 words)

Paul Graham has a very worthwhile read with "How to Do What You Love". But here is a quote that really sparked something for me: ...

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I didn't have time to... 2005-11-14 (111 words)

I'm quoting the "Coyote Within" again, but this really ties in with the "reluctant volunteer" effect: "[]I didn't have time."
What this pitiful excuse means is either "I didn't want to" or "I didn't know how to" or "I was doing something else more important to me."

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coming out of burnout 2006-4-25 (236 words)

In an attempt to finally scare off all my regular readers, here some more weird stuff from my journey through life....

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Tarot und Orakel Karten 2011-3-2 (291 words)

Die hier vorgestellten Karten Decks benutze ich regelmäßig in unterschiedlichsten formen: zur persönlichen Beratung, als kreative Inspiration, für Rollenspiele etc.

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navel gazing with the Bright Idea Deck 2005-9-23 (452 words)

With my interest into Tarot - and the design of it - it might not be surprising I had to have the Bright Idea Deck by Mark McElroy. It's very much like a Tarot deck, only very much more "usable" for normal, un-enlightened people. It's symbology is straightforward and depicts scenes from everyday life. No mythology or arcane symbolism. At least not such that can't be understood directly without a major in the occult. And given my dabblings in using Tinderbox for Tarot use, it was only natural I tried out various spreads and how to record the readings in Tinderbox.

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find (or create) a social role as motivator 2005-9-26 (230 words)

I was reading the fascinating talk "Extreme Thinking" by Michael A. Nielsen. In it he sets up three main principles that can vastly further learning in difficult subjects. Some of the ideas in those are equally suitable to application to countering the "reluctant volunteer" effect.

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No idea needed 2006-10-10 (39 words)

The Friday Spark - No Ideas Needed by Deb Cooperman

What could you create if you gave up the idea that you had to start with an idea and instead started with a question ... a notion ... an opinion?

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less noise 2008-3-10 (80 words)

Seth Godin: "[...] Lisa was on a plane once and her seatmate kept looking at her. She finally said, 'Is the noise inside my head bothering you?'" ...

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a serious flow stopper 2008-1-5 (122 words)

"When we do what we do best, what we do naturally... we are experiencing flow. But there are many ways to stop that flow. In an freewriting email exchange with Carlos, I just realized one of my biggest flow stoppers: taking things seriously."...

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the hard part 2006-9-24 (30 words)

"It's not always the actual work that is the hardest part of a job and success - It's the decisions, compromises and choices that need to be made." - Barbara Abrams Mintzer

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routines, cycles and variation 2007-4-2 (233 words)

Routines don't work for me. That's something I learned the hard way. I am most pructive when I break out of routines....

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patience, so much patience 2007-1-18 (337 words)

People around me who know my situation(s) often are astounded by the amount of patience I can have with adverse situations. "Where do you take that patience from?"...

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the original myth 2006-10-10 (255 words)

In relationship work I recently came across a very interesting concept: "The original myth" of a relation.

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simple, playfull 2005-2-14 (279 words)

It all comes together now. Taking Set Godin's "So, what will it take to succeed?" and a recent post on gapingvoid, a new idea formed in my head [I'll get to that later]. This is what the 'Tool for Thought' meme is about. Combinig or connecting two things that at first glance seem unconnected. I guess that's what creative people are all about, and what makes blogging so valuable. And now if we have tools that can further that effect...

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How long can I hold a fake smile before it forces me to start feeling good again? 2006-3-22 (26 words)

Ok, now that is a really powerful question to ask oneself. What do I do if I'm in flow? Why am I not doing that now?

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cracking the reluctant volunteer effect 2005-9-21 (229 words)

As some of my more longtime-readers might recall, I have been struggeling alot with what I call the "reluctant volunteer" effect.

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The Random University 2006-1-23 (416 words)

Inspired by that Paul Graham quote I went off on a tangent. This is maybe a story idea or an utopian view of a possible future. Imagine our way of "finding a job" worked differently...
[update: I have started to write some scenes for a story to illustrate this idea. Scrolldown in the post to see links]...

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edgeworker 2008-8-27 (219 words)

For no apparent reason - apart from getting older - I've been musing about class reunions... and had an interesting observation: one the one side I'm not really interested in meeting my class mates again. Yeah it would be nice for curiosity's sake and all that... but the people from my school I'd actually want to re connect with weren't class mates of mne....

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Life As A Wave: a book in 45 days 2006-8-9 (198 words)

My friend Carl over at UntappedGenius has embarked on a very brave expedition. He has set out to write a book in 45 days. And it is not just any book. This is about a topic that has been very dear to him for most of his adult life. A theory or worldview he has been refining for quite some years now. And has already succesfully applied to many a coaching session too, helping numerous people get a grip on their life and career....

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How not to whine 2006-1-27 (449 words)

Whining won't help. Not you and not anybody. That's one of the first things you learn in NLP. But you need to communicate a problem you are having. You need to clearly state what's wrong. How can you do that without whining? Here's some thoughts:

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overcoming reluctancy - burning desire 2005-9-22 (357 words)

Next stop in the "reluctant volunteer" series: Steve Pavlina has a nice article about Cultivating Burning Desire:
"[W]hen you are truly 100% committed to reaching your goals, you move from hoping to knowing. If you want something badly enough, then quitting is simply not an option. You either find a way or make one. You pay the price, whatever it takes."

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genius, frustration and burnout 2006-3-16 (255 words)

What is frustration? And how does it come to be? What is burnout... and what do they have to do with our very personal unique gifts?

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reading Tarot with kids 2007-1-28 (89 words)

Here's an article that describes some fun and claming things you can do with kids and a deck of Tarot cards. and it also has some good insight into teenage wisdom,...

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the one skill 2008-7-3 (520 words)

One of the main goals of the IC Experiment I'm part of (as Archer Mokeev) is to "prepare for the future." That future possibly being drastically different from our current

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What if we just respected each other's wishes? 2006-8-1 (64 words)

In any converstation, can you accept your partner to simply say 'no?' Would you expect them to accept your 'no?' ...

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discussions, decisions and movement 2007-10-25 (135 words)

In all of the self searching I did one things comes up regulary: to be content, I need movement. Not movement in a physucal sense, but as in moving forward. I feel most blocked when there is ongoing discussion about course of action. At the same time I happily engage in discussions that are aimed to come to a decision, a conclusion. As such I usually enjoy constructive criticism, even if it means a project might need to retrace it's steps a bit. The goal is improvement, which is a form of movement after all. Observing myself in group discusions I can see that I'm usually driving the group towards a consensus. A solution all can agree on. I like to talk about things, but I want to get results from the talk very much :)

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Is this something we can afford not to do? 2007-10-1 (271 words)

In an article on Second Life Insider titled "Diverse ruminations on human factors in virtual world experiences, not limited to the unexpected value of misconceptions" Tateru Nino talks about the 3+1 base factors that decide on the "is it worth it for me" of doing most anything and being in a virtual world specificaly. The three main visible factors being Novelty, Satisfaction and Friction. Interestingly there is a fourth one added that is usually not seen outright: Misconception, and it is noted that it can well be a positive force. ...

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on confusion 2007-2-9 (81 words)

Confusion - is often experienced as "not knowing what's up." Is it realy that at times? Sometimes it seems we can feel very confused although we actually very much do know what's up. Sometimes our confusion stems more from "not wanting to accept" that from "not knowing". We very much know, only we do not want to know, we do not want to accept the knowledge. In the end we again feel confused. We confused ourselves. Well, that's not new is it?

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Oblique Strategies 2007-2-1 (25 words)

Oh cool! FlightDynamics now has a random Oblique Strategy displayed on each page. I did that on my old blog, I think it's still there :)

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the placebo effect 2005-5-30 (125 words)

This post by Seth Godin is one of the things I was talking about earlier. It's a post that I found very interesting, and agreed to very much. But I never thought of blogging about it. Now Seth 'complained' that people seem to have overlooked it. He would have expected more discussion / feedback....

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eMail coaching musings 2005-7-15 (397 words)

I have started doing the eMail-coaching thing again I wrote about some time ago. And interestingly I hit the exact same kind of 'block' with my clent as before. See my post 'reluctant volunteers' for more on that. But here a pattern seems to form....

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NoA - Need of Assistance 2006-5-2 (246 words)

Travelling to Amsterdam on my own has been a blast. That's the best I can describe it. And due to my visual handicap... it seemed to be far more difficult than it actually was.

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Can you teach by just asking questions? 2006-3-16 (321 words)

Susan has a very fascinating link about this question.

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I am narrow sighted 2006-2-24 (229 words)

I was born that way. And this is not a confession of a deficit. It's a realisation. And an explanation of what has made me as mentaly flexible as I am.

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patience? 2006-2-23 (160 words)

This is a topic I've had before. And I think every blogger knowa how it feels when you put put something you feel is very cool/deep/insightful and then there is no reaction. I just recently learned - again - that "no reaction" might not be because no one cares. Just today I've had two examples that "no reaction" can mean quite something different: in one case it was "I took time and care to formulate a respomse", so patience would have been in order. The reaction that did come rewarded fully for any time waiting. The other was an experience that sometimes what we put out might be just "too much" for the people reading it. "There was so much depth, so much to respond to, I didn't know how to. I was lost for words. So I didn't respond." Wow. Talk about cognitive dissonance! Here I was thinking "no one cares", while I was actually achieving quite the opposite!

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Reluctant Volunteers 2004-7-25 (737 words)

This seems to a common theme in coaching/tutoring/teaching situations: someone comes for help, but given an advice is not really willing to implement it.

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GTD downhill 2005-11-29 (215 words)

Do you feel that the act of getting things done sometimes is a an uphill battle? That it takes enormous effort to get it done, more than simply not doing the things?

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more restfull sleep by waking better 2005-11-28 (260 words)

Polyphasic sleep, polynapping, whatever. All those nethods require you to change your lifestyle in some way.

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thinking like a genious 2005-10-24 (114 words)

A very nice article names "Thinking like a Genius" offers some thinking strategies I will summarize here:

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do I need more time? 2005-10-21 (264 words)

The thoughts about polyphasic sleep got me thinking. What would I do with all that extra time?

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Polyphasic Sleep 2005-10-20 (105 words)

Another interesting post by Steve Pavlina, here he talks about "Polyphasic Sleep".

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GTD and creativity 2004-10-28 (356 words)

'Getting Things Done' by D. Allen is a very common topic I encounter especially under fellow Tinderbox bloggers. And Tinderbox seems to be a very good tool for the pratice of 'GTD' (a nice summary is here). But does it also work for creativity?

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Der Kern Deiner Begeisterung 2004-7-6 (228 words)

eine Übung um die Wurzeln Deiner Begeisterung wiederzuentdecken. Selbstreflexion und Visualisierung.

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can you say: it's my fault? 2007-2-19 (73 words)

Joel Spolsky, Seven steps to remarkable customer service:

"Pretend you’re a puppeteer. The customer is yelling at the puppet. They’re not yelling at you. They’re angry with the puppet."
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Genius and cognitive dissonance 2006-2-23 (341 words)

I've been working a lot with the ideas in Dick Richard's "Is Your Genius At Work". Just today something dawned on me. It explains why sometimes we are at a loss to explain the reactions we get.

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the tenth purpose 2008-12-15 (173 words)

Questions asked:...

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what we can't have 2007-11-22 (123 words)

What we (currently) can't have is often what we want the most. For example, I ran out of Coke, and for several reasons there's no way I will be getting any resupply soon. So now I sit here, feeling a bit low and trying to get into the groove.. and I think "a coke would boost me nicely now!" Yeah, right. Funny thing be, I know from long experience that it would not. It tends to make me tired and itchy mostly (sugar). I do get a buzz from enough of it, but it's not one that is conductive to concentrated work. And truth be told, when I have some around, I never seem to get this feeling od "if onl I had."

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little things we like but don't need 2008-8-28 (231 words)

More musings and observations... A friend recently got a nice cigarette lighter by filling out a promational questionaire in a mall. On our way home in the car this lighter ended up in my hands, and I toyed around with it. It was a very solid feeling thing, one of those objects that just feel good and solid to play around with. In that car, I wanted one of these too. Not being a smoker, I had no reason to ask my friend if I could have this one, or if I could take one of those questionaires myself to get one... So here I was, wanting an object I had really no use for. In the end I just gave up this little gem that was not to be mine and handed it back to my friend - who had a real use for it anyway....

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you can be what you want to be 2007-12-24 (335 words)

An often claimed allure of virtual worlds like Second Life is the "ability to be what pne choses." And on surface level I might agree to that. It is a promise the virtual world has for us. In my actual experience I see something else happen. It's something I've seen in many years of RPGing too (RolePlaying Games - both pen and paper based and live action)

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because they don't exist, they cannot fail 2006-2-16 (104 words)

What Mark writes about his unfinished novels is so true about all the things "we want to do". "{B}ecause they are pure, sweet potential, they cannot be sullied by snarky comments from would-be critics. They cannot languish, unloved, in a pile of remaindered titles at Books-a-Million. In other words, because they don't exist, they cannot fail."

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dreaming while awake 2005-10-20 (486 words)

A human being dreams about every 90 minutes during sleep. If those dream (REM) phases are disrupted, the human becomes ill very soon. But what happens during the day?

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Are you going to do this anyway? 2006-9-29 (279 words)

We all have had the search for support. an new idea, a cool project. Something we'd like - or even need - help with. But sometimes it's not that easy to get people to help, to support. Even if the idea is very good. and it would vastly benefit them! what is it that makes people want to support one persona and not so much another?

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hopelessly happy 2007-12-26 (297 words)

Hope is a major element of many belief systems. "To live in hope" is seen as something to aspire to, akin to "positive thinking." You may have guessed, I disagree, let me explain why.

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the strata of intention 2007-4-14 (211 words)

"I intended to do XY" - that is what one might say. But is it what one actually intended? Maybe one actually believes it is... there is at least one layer of intention beneath that. Sometimes it is very insightful to dig beneath the surface intention behind vertain actions. If we take the unconscious mind into account, there are intentions we have that we might not even realize. What was the real reason for action XY? ...

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info overload 2006-9-24 (18 words)

"But information overload isn't the problem. If it was, you'd walk into a library and die." - David Allen

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intelligent praise 2006-12-2 (234 words)

I noticed I have a strange thing with praise. I like being praised, everyone does. Only my reaction if quite often "Yeah, right"... Maybe that's a sign of lacking self worth, not really believing I am any good at what I do. Then I dug deeper:...

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(10+2)*5 2005-10-21 (112 words)

43 Folders has a nice procrastination hack: “(10+2)*5”. This might be a good start for my "use the time better" thingie.

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fire and earth 2004-10-29 (1049 words)

My action need to follow my passion. I can't forcibly instill passion into my actions....

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the problem with logic and arguments 2005-10-16 (121 words)

There are people that make very logical arguments in discussions and appear by all means to be logical persons - but with who you simply can't argue. Why is that?

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good tools need skill 2006-1-1 (115 words)

The hi-res user experience: "[Learning] music changes music. Learning about wine changes wine. Learning about Buddhism changes Buddhism. And learning Excel changes Excel. If we want passionate users, we might not have to change our products--we have to change how our users experience them. And that change does not necessarily come from product design, development, and especially marketing. It comes from helping users learn."

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Everyone is a rockstar in the making 2006-1-26 (88 words)

Vlad Spears on being an artist (or not): "[An] artist is only different from a non-artist in one way... the non-artist has not yet realized their own areas of artistry." Tell you what: in my personal opinion I can not draw. But that has never stopped me from doing it. I have always felt that is was by far more the urge that made an artist than the pure skill. Skill is important, it helps express an urge. But without urge skill is an empty thing.

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Incremental Reading 2006-2-4 (236 words)

Here's a very interesting article describing a process for better learning of a large volume of material: 'SuperMemo: Incremental reading" The article relates to a Windows software called SuperMemo, but I find the basic priciples described appliable even without the software. I think this is a very fascinating process of learning:

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Euphoria at 0.9Hz 2006-3-31 (646 words)

What might read like a weird title for a new track... might actually be that. But right here I just want to write about a cool little tool I found that creates binaureal tones. These are commonly used for brainwave entrainment. The theory is that if the brain is stimulated with a certain frequency (via sensory input, here audio), it will "entrain" or synchronize with those freqencies. As research has shown, certain states of consciousness (alertness, relaxation, deep sleep etc) have a typical dominant brainwave frequency. As these frequencies are in a range below audible sound (40Hz-0.5Hz), an amplitude modulation of a higher tone is used to create the stimulus....

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A Muse In My Genius 2006-4-14 (332 words)

Ok, now he's cracked. Totally. Martin's been weird from time to time... but this? Whatever. Don't like it, don't read it. Allow me my part of weirdom. Heh :)

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getting rid of small annoyances 2005-3-20 (190 words)

...can have dramatic effects on productivity......

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facts and opinions 2006-12-17 (51 words)

In fact the interesting thing is that the really uninformed people often have no clue whatsoever what you are talking about, but they will have formed an instant opinion based on something they were reminded of when you spoke! (About which they also know next to nothing.)
-- Eolake Stobblehouse

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questioning 2007-4-19 (138 words)

Dick Richards: Seven Reminders About Writing A Book

There are a lot of questions in even the shortest of sentences. If I remember to ask myself questions like that about every sentence, and then answer those that seem relevant and interesting, I have a book.
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Dragon Zen 2007-7-8 (348 words)

Virtual worlds have one teaching aspect that I particularly notice. There is a certain disconnect between what we intend to do and what, and esp. when, it actually happens in the virtual world. Hardware and bandwidth limitations can make this lag quite noticeable and often frustrating. What is special to me about this effect is the fact that it's what I have learned to deal with all my life. Living as a visual person with a visual handicap has me in that exact situation most of the time. It taught me to step back a bit. To observe first and act second. To be patient. ...

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Making complex things simple 2007-7-8 (512 words)

Here is some thoughts about another base tendency I have. I tend to reduce complexity to base elements. Filtering out the core message from complicated texts, finding good rules of thumb, all those have been typical of me when faced with a new topic. Maybe it's the way I can grasp a new field so quickly. Absorbing all available information, but always filtering out the core important aspects. Many people who get into a new field try to learn everything and all there is to know.... and soon get bogged down or overwhelmed by details. Rading everything there is to read about a subject is something I do too, but I give myself permission to forget the nittygritty details. It's an engeneering virtue my brother once told me about apparently: "You don't need to know everything. You need to know where to look it up."

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re-connecting with my net 2006-10-3 (131 words)

This seems strange from a certain point of view. I just came home from a week of presentations, solicalizing, meatspace networking and conferencing. And here I am, re-connecting with my social network. All the while I am actually sitting all by myself in my appartment. It became very obvious to me that large parts of my social network are actually "virtual" for most of the time. Some of my closest contacts actually connect to me via IM or email. And even in the case of my wife and children, who I see regularly in realspace, I was reconncecting via Skype. And no, I don't need to go get myself a life. I have one very much thank you. Only it has choosen to express itself through other than traditional channels.

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fear, panic, thresholds 2008-8-31 (898 words)

aMusing my genius: "Going back into the dark realms of my early memories as a little kid, much of the world seemed a deeply scary place to me."...

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your body already knows the truth 2006-9-24 (296 words)

To find our real intention, wants, to make our best decisions, we usually trly heavily on our rationale. We do not trust our gut feeling as it is hard to define and grasp. It's a gut feeling after all.

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seeking the truth - the one we like that is 2008-6-2 (96 words)

Many people "seek the truth," and very often others (outsiders, onlookers) will think that the truth the person is seeking... is staring them right in the eye. It often seems so obvious......

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to whinge, or to observe small anoyances 2008-3-1 (250 words)

Know thyself - is a key message and skill on living a better personal life. Some time ago I started to pay far more attention to what Arnold Mindell calls 'flirts' abd 'bleeps' (Dreaming While Awake)... small notions and yet-unformed moods. The idea is that you recognize a mood change before it adversly affects you and your surrounding, by observinge the small things. To do so obviously also brings an awareness of small anoyances, and with it the urge to communicate them. Here's where things get tricky: not many people are prepared or expect you to openly state and want to discuss things like "The noise in this room makes listening to you hard" or "I feel stressed by talking about this topic over the phone."...

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prose: When Depression Lifts 2008-1-5 (113 words)

Gone is the Pain, gone the Wallowing....

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Arguments of the Mind 2006-2-2 (154 words)

Debbie Call talks about "Mindfrick" in her post entitled "Mind - Saboteur or Supporter?" What I found most interesting about this post is the way it demonstrates something I have said some time ago: logic (mind) is very often little more than a tool of emotion. And not a oposite of emotion.

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leading from the inside out 2006-10-16 (243 words)

"If you have a vision, what do you really want the most? The vision to happen, or you to get credit for the idea?" That was part of a conversation I had way back in April at the 'GAME OF NOW" in Amsterdam. I was trying to describe my approach to ideas and ego. Trying to explain something that had happened to me time and time again: I would pitch an idea to team mates or superiors, with usually little impact. But six months later the same people would come along and say: "Listen to this idea I just had..." - You guessed, it was the very idea I had introduced some time ago. Obviously I had some ego-related reactions to this at first. But then the above question somehow popped into my mind. ...

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witholding distressing truths may render change impossible 2006-7-18 (106 words)

Dick Richards has a short post about what makes - or hinders change.

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listen to your voice 2006-2-15 (326 words)

Do you have a voice? Sure you do. But do you know how it sounds? Really know?

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no instruction manual 2005-10-19 (25 words)

Just a quick link: Steve Pavlina has a very good post about Manifesting Intentions. I also very much like his metaphor of "no instruction manual"...

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[magic happens (here)] 2005-2-12 (191 words)

Katie Lucas:... more...

the real trick is... 2005-3-4 (168 words)

... running really fast :) Curt Rosengren has a nice post about using MindMapping to deal with 'energy leak'.

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How well do you know the back of your hand? 2006-10-5 (4 words)

Well, really. Do you?

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What light you shed on it 2005-5-28 (269 words)

'All Marketers are Liars' says Seth Godin. As he states himself he does not intend to mean the tell the un-truth, but that they all - we all - tell stories to sell.

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