Traumwind - offline musings about online romance

offline musings about online romance

2009-5-15

Ha! By far not the first post I write while I have no connection to the internet. This time my DSL router died and I am without net connection for ~48h until I get a replacement.

I could fret, I could panic, run to the next internet cafe to get my dosis of conectivity... hell I could just plain ask my neigbours if I could piggyback on their WLAN!

But... I've learned to take these techical mishaps as opportunities for reflection. Anyway, it's not like I can do much, or have to, to get the net back NOW. The replacement router will be here any minute now, and I used the 'freedom' from the net to do some other forms of social connectivity, using the bloody PHONE among other things.

What is intriguing me the most about this current - limited - outage is it's timing. Just the night before had me expressing - quite suprisingyly - quite romantic thoughts and feelings. In a situation where no one has any idea of how it may develop or where we even want it to go. And, you guessed it, working net connectivity is absolute key for this particular social connection.

So, the morning I crawled out of bed wondering "Now what?" I find myself cut off, forced entierely into my on mindspace, with almost no path of action in that regard.

Besides, it was my birthday too, and lovely people had organized a party for me in Second Life... which I also had no way to attend now.

I have no idea if this is all just connected in my head, the mind making sense of coincidences... but to me there is one lesson/reason in this outage: take a step back and reflect.

I have found a certainty of sorts. I say 'of sorts' because it is not based on any facts or deep analysis. It's also not about grand decisions. But it IS about knowing what I feel. In the big wash of emotions we experience when we are in the presence of the other... what you might calls 'being in love' can be very intense, but can also be very fueled by the here and now, by the situational roles we take on. Being forced to take a step back with not much other to distract the mind... helps listen inside. What is there, when she is not present?

I got closer to answering this question for me... and the rest is "we will see" as always.

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